Dig the remi mom dynamic. Epic line of: rickety staircase to adulthood. Struck me as such as poignant line. And I really get that sense that she is a bridge between those two worlds. She is vulnerable and very aware of her surroundings and the tension between the mainlanders and whomever else.

Hallucinations, curious, I want to see what they lead to before I pick that apart, im sure they’re tied in to why he’s at the IT center. But the cause of it?

Cell 8, intrigued by the uses/possibilities of the DI, the uses, links to others, do others have it? Functionality?

Page 10 gives the only real insight into this future realm where things are, as mentioned twice in the first ten pages, “backwards”. Or at least different. Maybe you could let the TV chatter run for another cell or two to get a better sense of what the dynamics of the future are. I know, hard to encapsulate in a couple of sentences, but just one isn’t enough, especially if you’re not going to reveal it through these secondary characters that come off as bullies or opposed to people like Remi.

I mean, why the resentment?

At the core of it, this is a Remi centric piece(so it seems as of now),  so keep that voice strong, don’t let the secondary overpower(not that its an issue now, but just if you were to somehow take my opinion into consideration)

10-Kitty alone, the presence, the getup, gives you that insight that things operate differently, and its done in a slightly comedic way, to where somehow it just sticks with you more than if she was rocking some weird metallic get up or something similar and was played straightforward.

12-odd how I find a man in a paper bag personable, even if I don’t like him in the 1^st cell he appears in, I dig him in the 2^nd. Doc gives off this neurotic vibe, seems like he cares, but with neurotic tendencies. 

15=bypass. Literal? As in through the pills? Or some other thing. Not totally clear on how it works.

I’d go for a black and white look.

Kind of sparse, but I figured I’d give a little bit of feedback rather than seeing your post go unanswered.  

--- (Edited on 11/24/2007 10:09 pm [GMT-0600] by undercovertruth) ---